Marriage is hard

Marriage is HARD.  Even now after 30 some odd years, marriage is still really hard sometimes.  Probably because most marriages are amongst different species.  We are all human true, but men and women are polar opposites.  Like tabby's and lions are both cats but really, really not the same.

What brings this all up now is that my son is getting married in a week.  Yep he found his true love. When asked last night if they were a little bit worried , they both looked puzzled and said no.  Ah young love.  Nothing to fear, they have each other.  How could they fail?  Look out world.

What happened to us?  My husband and I.  We were them 30+ years ago.  We were excited about what life had to offer, challenges and adventures..  We were going to face life together, side by side. How could we fail?

I don't think we did fail.  I just don't think we are where I thought we would be.  We had kids ad raised them well.  We had challenges alright, whoo boy, illness and depression and other uglies we never saw coming.   We faced them, sometimes side by side.  But there were times one of us had to take the lead as the other had to retreat.

We no longer worry about divorcing - it's not an option.  Okay it really never was.  I never believed in an escape hatch.  I'm Mormon.  I promised forever.  So we always ALWAYS work things out eventually.

And I learned a few things.  This wisdom I would pass along to my son but he is so starry eyed he wouldn't listen.    So I will tell you.

Men need a cave.  When wounded or they feel like they have been wounded), leave them alone.  They will emerge when they want to right things or at least get on with things.

Go to bed angry.  Sometimes you need the fresh perspective of a new day.

Pay attention to your spouse.  It's really hard when the kids are young, but kids eventually leave, and then?

Pray.  A lot.  Then pray some more. God is the source of all love and as such he can refill your heart with love for your spouse when you are a quart low.  Or a gallon.

Divorce is not an option.  Now I do think there are a few reasons divorce is not only reasonable - it is advisable, but for the most part facing problems is a much better option.  There is no perfect man out there so divorcing the one you got in search of a better one is a fools game.

Remember when you got married?  If it was right then....it is right now.  God doesn't change his mind. (but then see previous paragraph).  that truth has carried me through some seriously perilous times.

Men and women are different- opposite- but that's why we fit together so very very well.

It can be incredibly sweet. Hold onto those times.

Well there you have it .  Doesn't seem like much wisdom gained from all those years but it's all I got.  So be good to yourself.  Be good to your spouse.  Make our marriage a little bit better today.. and tomorrow.... and the next day